I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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