the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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