you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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