I bet he comes in French.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
