I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
