yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
