just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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