It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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