Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
