why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
