She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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