i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Quick, to the slutcave!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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