apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
