this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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