Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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