Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
