In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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