Do you still have your period?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
