We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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