My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize