At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Houston, we have a blender
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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