I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Panties = found
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
