turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
