my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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