i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
