Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
