Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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