Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
