i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
