explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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