Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
