Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
