U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Bring me that man meat
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
