Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
