The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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