Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
