Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my being single is dangerous.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You pole danced in your parka.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
