just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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