im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
