I have demons in me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
