Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
