So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
