ugly people sure do ruin things
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
