Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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