i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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