He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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