you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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