i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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