Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
