i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
