So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
