The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
