Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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