Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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