Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
