I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
