I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
