I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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