Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
