Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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