When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the day after is always just damage control
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
