I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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