Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
