Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
