There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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