yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
