I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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