Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
