At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
