i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
