please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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