Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
