She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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