It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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