It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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