The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
