i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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