I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
