was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
