Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
