somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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